Read this interesting writing from one writer participating in the OLLI "Write Life Changing Moments" Workshop June 17, 2008.

If Only

If only I felt better – not so ill physically – maybe I would also feel more positive emotionally. If only today hadn’t began with so much nausea, dizziness and pain.

An object catches my eye – it is a toy plastic boat. It adds to my nausea and dizziness as feelings of sea sickness come back to me.

I remember the Alaskan cruise from last summer and how ill I became. I yearn for the years of travel in the past that were unencumbered with sea sickness – before the flare-up of the autoimmune inner ear disorder that has upset my equilibrium.

This leads me to think of the vase of fresh flowers sitting on my dining room table. They remind me of the unconditional love of my husband who has given up so much with no complaint.

This leads me to decide that somehow I will make that trip to Vienna next October – that I will do whatever it takes including possibly surgery

Now I see the boat as a toy -- like the one that my grandson played with in the sand and water table last week. I realize the boat is only a symbol from the past. I can travel without going on boats.

Thinking of my grandson I resolve to visit him more often – knowing that I am healthy enough now to manage the trips. It would be a great distraction from the dizziness, nausea and pain. I know that emotionally I will feel better and thus physically also.

I am murky greenish brown – the ugliest color imaginable. I am submerged in mud and filth and I’m coated with it. It penetrates into the depths of my soul. The automobile accident changed my life forever and plunged me into this murky depth of suppressed memories. Out of the trauma, treatments and therapies the memories come slinking out – wrapping me in slime. I realized that before I actually had few memories of my past and now I am being suffocated by the truth of my life.

Sara
from OLLI Denver University Life Long Learning Participant,  "Writing Life Changing Moments" workshop with
         Anne Randolph  www.WriteYourLifeStory.org